The Ultimate Nerdy Musician's Guide

1. Play air piano in front of your computer. Hands should be held at eye-level (keep eyes closed) and chords should be played on a slightly slanted "keyboard". Take note of the fact that inversions on black keys look the coolest. 

2. Practice in bathrooms. Make the excuse that they have amazing acoustics. 

3. Express euphoria at every altered note or chord tone. Screaming out "sharp 9!!" or "flat 13!" is considered appropriate to this end. 

4. Whatever room you practice in is automatically called your "studio". It doesn't matter what the ACTUAL name of the room is. If you use it to practice music in, it's your studio. 

5. Normal musicians aren't going to like you very much. Accept it, move on, and just keep calling out those sharp 11's... 

6. Learn to look like you know how to tune your instrument perfectly. This may be accomplished by making disgusted facial expressions when you think it may be off or stopping in the middle a song if you sense something's awry. Tune the instrument until the faces of those around you reflect musical peace. Then you know you've done a good job. Make sure to acknowledge the subsequent applause from the audience. They really loved it. 

7. I know you're perfect. But every once in a while, make a large mistake, just so that people are reminded of the fact that you are, even if just a little bit, human. 

8. Have a list of your favorite chords and intervals ready. Some other nerdy musician is going to ask. Make sure you are prepared. And if you don't really know that much about chords and intervals, google "extended music chords" and write down the ones with the most intelligent-sounding names. These are sure to impress. 

9. Learn to make small mistakes with a poker face, and make larger ones while screaming in anguish. You might be surprised at how effective this actually is... 

10. Nerdy musicians write Facebook posts to help other budding nerdy musicians. Because we need to keep the message going. 

If you have felt helped by any of these tips, and are interested in becoming a part of the expansive--yet invisible--musical nerd community, consider yourself welcomed with open arms...

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